I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
