I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
