ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
