There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
