the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
