Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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