We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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