Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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