Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
