I smell stomach acid.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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