If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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