I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
