Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize