i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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