is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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