The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
did you just send me my own nude
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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