Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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