Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
