i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
