I hate all girls vehemently.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize