repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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