I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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