Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
