I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
