Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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