Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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