david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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