I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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