If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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