haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
