If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
