When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
