My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
