I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
