i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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