And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
