That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
