if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
