the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
