that's an acceptable place to lick
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
