Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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