tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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