bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you never un-have a 4some
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
