highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
