When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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