So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize