I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
