Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
