At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize