can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
