just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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