im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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