I hate all girls vehemently.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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