I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
