Your tits are I can't wait for
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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