If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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