Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
