Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
