direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
