I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
