they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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