If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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