??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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