Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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