overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
