Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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