I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
