I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
