he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize