im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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