Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
