if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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