I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
