try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
