my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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