If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
